I’m praying that continuing to blog about progress in my life will hold me accountable to keeping up with it all. 2017 has already brought a lot of inspiration to my life with reflecting on who I am. I received a book last year called The 52 Lists Project thinking that I would keep up with it every week. It’s a prompt every week to list out different things – could be your dreams or even just your favorite movies. Either way, it’s something that helps you reflect on your life.
I ended up forgetting about doing it most of the year because (and here comes my excuses) 2016 was chaotic and messy. However, at the end of 2016, I wanted to set realistic goals for who I want to be. Reading through this book and what I wrote about my dreams, my accomplishments, and what I want to be known for/as really awakened me. For the first time, I saw myself, my dreams, my desires, in a different light. They were real and raw, that vulnerable side of me. All the feels.
As I sat there writing out my goals for this year, some were larger than I could wrap my brain around. And then being a part of this Project 52 on Flickr – where a prompt helps us capture an image for each week – I realized a silly little matter called “fear”.
Fear is one of those things that can push and pull us in directions that we’re not cognizant of. It can hold us back from those things in life that are screaming our name. Fear of failing, of being hurt, of working for nothing, of looking crazy – trust me, I’ve felt them all.
Ironically, I decided to watch through all the Hunger Games movies this past weekend as well. If you have not invested time into seeing these movies, I would highly recommend it. The entire series is about fear – the fear of change, the fear of dying, the fear of living, the fear of messing up. There was one quote that President Snow (who I completely dislike) says that hit my heart and rang true:
“Hope. It is the only thing stronger than fear.” – President Snow (Hunger Games)
Hope is how we as humans still have dreams and desires. We have hope that one day they can come true. That we may be worthy enough in our lifetime to experience that which brings us so much joy.
As I struggled this weekend to decide what to photograph with the prompt of “transitions,” I opened my porch door to look at the snow. Immediately one of my cats, Ansel (yes, he’s named after the famous photographer Ansel Adams), bolted outside to roam. He could care less about looking before leaping – he knew that being outside makes him happy, and he went for it. He trusted that he would figure out the curveballs (or the snow) that lay ahead of him. Why even worry? How perfect of a message was that for me?
After all of this reflecting on my life and how I fear the unknown, I know that I have plans for many changes to come. Changes that I will choose to make and those that life will inevitably throw at me. Ansel’s pawprint in the snow reflected all of these thoughts into one. The shadows and light that cast on this particular evening, along with the fading snow and pawprint, made me think about how I need to take that first step out into the unknown. Into the places where I know I want to be.
It can be, and will always be, a beautiful journey, if I just trust.
Transitioning into the person I’m called to become.